Bad Monkey TV Quotes

Introduction

*Bad Monkey* (2024) is a darkly comedic crime series on Apple TV+ based on Carl Hiaasen's bestselling novel. The show follows Andrew Yancy (played by Vince Vaughn), a disillusioned former detective turned restaurant inspector in Florida. Yancy’s quiet life takes a chaotic turn when a severed arm is discovered, pulling him into a tangled web of crime, corruption, and environmental exploitation. Featuring a quirky cast of characters, including a Bahamian voodoo priestess and, of course, a monkey, *Bad Monkey* blends mystery, satire, and the unique charm of South Florida. With sharp wit and a thrilling plot, the series explores the dark side of paradise, making it a must-watch for fans of crime drama and dark humor.

Amazing quotes from Bad Monkey

Episode 1

"I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to ask you what your feelings on morgues were."  - Rosa Campesino

"Mean funny." - Rosa Campesino

"My sheriff felt that this particular appendage might belong to one of your victims and could hopefully stay here in Miami, where random severed arms are an everyday thing. So pretty, please?" - Andrew Yancy

"Fucknuts for real." - Rosa Campesino

"How about this? Maybe the shark that mangled the poor fucker also likes to eat watches." - Andrew Yancy

"Making jokes with the dead is very, very bad luck." - Andrew Yancy

"Rosa, it's a cold business when true love goes south." - Andrew Yancy

"You got me driving around with a cooler that doesn't live up to its promises." - Andrew Yancy

"Before I go any further here, I gotta tell you a little story about a young man over in the Bahamas. Now, I know it's annoying to leave this story just when it's getting fun, but I promise it'll make sense eventually. Just be patient." - Captain (Narrator)

"What is with all the storm clouds? You look angry at the world." - Andrew Yancy

"That's a story for another time, after the previous story for another time." - Andrew Yancy

"Right now, I'm just pretty much focused on, you know, moving down the ladder just as quickly as possible." - Andrew Yancy

"Ah, yes, well, size doesn't really matter if you're shooting people. It's just the darkness you have to live with ..." - Andrew Yancy

"You love to be the hero, so here you go. Take the bullet for me." - Bonnie Witt

"This is the most I'd ever wished you knew my real name." - Bonnie Witt

"Babe, for future reference, I already find women so confusing. You don't have to bother with fake names." - Andrew Yancy

"That's bad luck to swear at a cemetery, guy. Or is it to blow each other at the cemetery?I keep forgetting which one." - Andrew Yancy

"Then time is of the essence." - Dragon Queen

"Someone set you straight." - Dragon Queen

"You know ... if I go and do this thing for you ... he might go and die." - Dragon Queen

"I wasn't telling two stories. I was telling one." - Captain (Narrator)

Episode 2

"I cannot believe I gave my heart to a man with such little curiosity." - Bonnie Witts

"Wants what he wants, and he wants it now. - Dragon Queen

"Here's a plate of information. If you wanna nibble on the plate, get some stuff, just take a little bite and see what you can figure out." - Andrew Yancy

 "So you're one of those people who can't forgive right away. I love people like that." - Andrew Yancy

"Surprising him with the gift of solving the murder." - Andrew Yancy

"That night ... found themselves feeling the exact same thing like they were both being sucked unwillingly into chaos." - Captain (Narrator)

"When that man you love, he break your heart and he pay with his life." - Ya-Ya

"All kinds of bad people getting in the water now." - Dragon Queen

"I am the wind. And the people in this life ... they just grains of sand. They move where my breath takes them. Drawing them together, closer and closer. Unaware that they all heading into the heart of the storm. And one by one, it will swallow them all. " - Dragon Queen

Episode 3

"How come every time I see you, you run away?" - Andrew Yancy

"That's what it looks like to help your sibling instead of sticking with a knife in the back." - Neville Stafford

"He might have injured his shoulders high-fiving all of his friends.' - Andrew Yancy

"You are super direct." - Andrew Yancy

"For someone that doesn't care, you seem to have, um, thoughts about it." - Andrew Yancy

"I think you care a little. Just a hunch." - Andrew Yancy

"We can talk after or never. Your choice." - Dragon Queen

"You agreed to that super fast, huh." - Andrew Yancy

"Oh, I don't know. I heard that murder hurts." - Andrew Yancy

"The dead don't appreciate rudeness." - Dragon Queen

"The spirit of those that loved us, you don't have to be afraid of them. They mean well. Now, the others, not so much." - Dragon Queen

"Always cutting to the chase, boy." - Dragon Queen

"My face has never been great at hiding how I was feeling." - Neville Stafford

"I like that you can't hide your face. Right now it's looking very ... Nervous? - Dragon Queen

"Ain't no magic without faith." - Dragon Queen

"Everything that matter to me already been taken." - Neville Stafford

"It's been said that stressful situations can reveal who we really are." - Captain (Narrator)

"There was that glow again. Another enemy for life." - Captain (Narrator)

"You see, they'd both been around way too much death. And they had come to learn a very simple truth. No matter how hard you wished for someone to be okay, it rarely made a lick of difference.

Episode 4 

"You can call me a romantic, but I believe in love at first sight. I just wouldn't say that it's always a good thing." - Captain (Narrator)

"You know what the biggest problem is, living a life of crime? If you're always running from the law, you never have time to stop and appreciate all the art that's all around you." - Andrew Yancy

"I have a very specific vibe that's sort of playful and sort of coy. I'm ... I'm kinda doing that tone now if that's helpful to you." - Andrew Yancy

"None of them are real expressions until someone says them, okay?" - Andrew Yancy

"Not to take away from you, cause it takes a non-main guy to make a main guy great, and, um, every main guy knows behind every main guy is a guy that's not the main guy. So together, you guys are a main team." - Andrew Yancy

"I brought sunlight to a very dark situation, and I'm gonna head out." - Andrew Yancy

"If you keep thinking it's on you to fix every injustice, you'll never be at peace." - Jim Yancy

"I need back surgery 'cause I'm carrying the whole relationship." - Andrew Yancy

"Those decisions follow you around forever. And you got to live with the consequences." - Rogelio

"They say love can make you do the strangest things. But whoever the hell they are, they didn't have this in mind." - Captain (Narrator)

"Sometimes a man can sink so low, he'll just go and drown if someone doesn't pull him up." - Captain (Narrator)

"That's the problem with obsession. You have to fight to hold on to your soul. " - (Captain Narrator)

"The problem with going down a bad path, whether it's drinking or drugging or any other vice, it's a lot harder to stop than it is to keep going. - (Captain Narrator)

"You at least had the turn signal on. You definitely had the blinker on, and you were starting to go down that road, because it ... the tone shifted. - Andrew Yancy

Episode 5

"They say the second time you take a life is easier than the first, the third is easier than the second, and so on, and so on, and so on. You get it." - Captain (Narrator)

"This was a place for smells and discovery and connection. A magical time that ended far too fast." - Andrew Yancy

"My story doesn't end on this island." - Dragon Queen

"No matter what kind of weather you're reporting, the sun is always shining in your heart." - Mrs. Campesino

"She likes them a little mysterious." - Mel Campesino

"Don't matter how nice the package is if there's nothing good inside." - Dragon Queen

"Someone wants to pay me to be nice, I'll gladly do that." - Egg

"Way I see it, everyone's out hustling trying to get theirs. You can either play the game too or watch them take it out your pocket. - Egg

"Anyone messes with my world, and I have no problem putting them in the fucking ground. - Eve Stripling

"Sometimes your past is still gonna catch up to you." - Captain (Narrator)

"Courtesy is the foundation of all friendships. If you're not polite you can't have a real friendship." - Andrew Yancy

Episode 6

"All right, that's a great starting place. We'll call that a baby step." - Andrew Yancy

"I can't remember the last time someone ran away while my tongue was in their mouth." - Dragon Queen

"Why men don't ever know when they're supposed to leave?" - Dragon Queen

"You know, I don't like it when people don't finish their thoughts. I find it really selfish and arrogant." - Bonnie

"I mean what is it about me that just drives men to violence?" - Bonnie

"I do appreciate the raw emotion of your native tongue. I'd love to be included in this." - Andrew Yancy

"You be in the emotional prison. I'll be in the real one." - Andrew Yancy

"A place like this holds up a mirror to our soul ... shows us what's real." - Jim Yancy

"Don't put your hatred for me over doing what you know what's right." - Andrew Yancy

"You can feel it, eh? That heaviness in your chest. The sense you've made a grave mistake. Don't forget that feeling. Consider it a warning." - Dragon Queen

"You're thriving on my island because I allow it. But it can all go away with a whisper." - Dragon Queen

"Disrespect is always ... personal." - Dragon Queen

"It's their guiding light. Everybody's got one." - Andrew Yancy

"I mean, I'm not a lawyer, but that feels like that would be good for my case." - Andrew Yancy

"Just a nod, not a smile? God, it kills this guy to show any joy." - Andrew Yancy

"Bad guys always run, but don't feel bad. I mean, who could've seen that coming?" - Andrew Yancy

"When you screw up, it's always easier to get the hell out of Dodge than it is to face the music." - Captain (Narrator)

Episode 7

"It is a cliché, but when you know you're about to meet your maker, sometimes your life really does flash before your eyes." - Captain (Narrator)

"You will feel alone ... but your power will grow, and you will emerge a queen," - Ya-Ya

"It's a little dramatic, I know. But that's kind of how I roll." - Eve

"I'd tell you to ask around about what happens to people who fuck with me, but none of them are around anymore." - Dragon Queen

"My problem is I try to do the right thing, but in the wrong way." - Andrew Yancy

"I drive and talk all I want, you pretend to hate it but secretly you love it." - Andrew Yancy

"If you screw up, the easiest path is to lie, you know, anything you can possibly do to get out of it. But that works, because the way you feel about yourself, that sticks with you forever." - Andrew Yancy

"There's no worse feeling than doubting someone you love." - Captain (Narrator)

"Your path have not been easy. You lost so much," - Ya-Ya

"I don't need to hear about what I lost. I know everything I lost." - Dragon Queen

"You have stepped into the middle of your own curse. That will be most difficult to undo." - Ya-Ya

"Why I have to give my whole life to some story that people tell around a fire at night?" - Dragon Queen

"Misery sure as hell does love company, but that isn't always a bad thing." - Captain (Narrator)

Episode 8

"A journey away from your truth, like a journey away from your sun, casts a shadow of regret in every step you take." - Bonnie Witt

"The stars put a good woman in your path. I know because I saw her look at your worst qualities and she smiled." - Jim Yancy

"You got good spirits around you, son. You just tend to ignore them." - Jim Yancy

"You always tell me men never know when to leave. So I'm leaving." - Egg

"Time for you to learn to wait." - Dragon Queen

"Momentum's it's own reward." - Andrew Yancy

"Listen, I'm still coming in hot, but this time I've added some disarming charm." - Andrew Yancy

"The mistake they both made not realizing that this moment ... this was as happy as either of them had ever been." - Captain (Narrator)

"This goodbye might be a little bit more permanent." - Bonnie Witt

"Look at that. Narcotics has a silver lining." - Andrew Yancy

"Terrible name for this, 'cause it's a beautiful, grounded name that belongs to an angel." - Andrew Yancy

"You know what they say. One person's good luck charm is another's escape plan." - Captain (Narrator)

"Don't make me no never mind." - Dragon Queen

 "Those are the very goodbyes that they end up regretting for the rest of their lives." - Andrew Yancy

"Here's the thing about tiny islands. Whether it's the Keys or the Bahamas, when people know there's a storm coming, they all head out to the bars. You can say it's just to blow off steam before they're all cooped up. But it's also to keep from being scared about all the chaos that is right around the corner." - Captain (Narrator)